Sometimes the pursuit of ideal from a positive character trait becomes a serious psychological problem. A perfectionist often suffers from various complexes, alienation in society, inability to build relationships with others. But all difficulties are overcome on the way to achieving the goal.
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Who is a perfectionist, definition in simple words
A perfectionist is a person who has high expectations in relation to himself and those with whom he communicates. Unfortunately inclined to the smallest mistakes, it requires an ideal result in everything, worries about the inconsistency of his ideas about the perfect state of things with reality in all the details.
The word "perfectionism" in translation from the Latin language means "the pursuit of the ideal." At first glance, this quality seems to be a good engine of progress. It allows you to make the world a better place, correcting all the shortcomings of civilization. All writers, artists and musicians dream of approaching an imaginary ideal in their works, trying to create something new and amazing.
Causes
It is interesting to understand the reasons for perfectionism, where it comes from, whether it is a consequence of improper upbringing or is given from birth. No one knows the exact answer to these questions - genes inherent in nature, cultural influence, and upbringing in the family are important.
The formation of perfectionism is influenced by the abilities of the nervous system, laid down by nature. So, people with a tendency to introversion or melancholy are more prone to make themselves and the world higher demands than those who are an extrovert (choleric or sanguine). Sometimes the formation of a subconscious attitude is influenced by parental instructions on how to act in relation to other people and this world.
But more often in the mind of a child, a desire to follow increased requirements appears contrary to family education. This can happen if one of the parents is subject to perfectionism, and his actions are postponed in the children's subconscious. When education takes place in a dysfunctional family and in a difficult environment, perfectionism can become a form of protest by a child against reality surrounding him.
The line between norm and pathological form
Sometimes there are individuals who strive for the ideal, not paying attention to whether it is bad or good in a particular situation. If they are entrusted with some work, it will not be completed by the deadline. Even when everything is ready, the perfectionist checks and tries to bring it to perfection.
Such a person has an idea of what an ideal result should be, if it does not correspond to the expected perfection, negative emotions are inevitable. The perfectionist feels guilty that he is not able to achieve perfection, it is difficult for him to realize this. Sometimes such experiences are so strong that a person is not able to start work, because he is confident in an unsatisfactory result.
This condition is sometimes called "perfectionist paralysis." Conflict with oneself and with society leads to depression. While other people may mistake the perfectionist’s inaction for his usual unwillingness to work, he is confused by the conflict of his claims and possibilities.
One of the forms, loss of control during perfectionism, is characterized by a special internal state:
- obsessive desire to speak and think ideally, meeting high internal criteria and standards;
- constant monitoring of others in order to clarify their thoughts;
- the tendency to feverishly control their behavior from the outside, in order to understand whether it seems ridiculous;
- incontinence, suspiciousness, anxiety, slight aggressiveness.
Nervous disorder, which occurs as a result of efforts to constantly monitor oneself and others, interferes with social adaptation.
The pathological manifestation of perfectionism is OCD or obsessive-compulsive disorder. When a person has any inconsistency in the symmetry of an object in space, it causes an irresistible desire to correct the situation.
Primary sources of the disease
The tendency to perfectionism, embedded in the human subconscious, with adverse factors leads to diseases of the nervous system. If an individual is not aware of his exaggerated demands and considers them to be the norm, he has a much greater chance of getting sick than someone who, having the same potential, approaches his needs with healthy criticism. Improper attitudes lead to numerous problems.
One of the perfectionist’s shortcomings that impedes progress and self-knowledge is the inability to separate the main from the secondary. Minor deeds are carried out by him with the same scrupulousness as the main tasks of life, while taking away a lot of strength and energy. A person understands that he spends time on trifles that are of little importance, but are not able to change their behavior. His pursuit of excellence lies deep in the subconscious and determines the principle of interaction with the outside world in all situations.
Real life examples
Perfectionism affects people of different age categories, but most often young people, from 16 to 33 years old, students of schools and institutes. This quality is easy to notice in the character of a familiar person, if you look closely at him.His strange, at first glance, behavior can be explained in simple words - a manifestation of perfectionism.
This quality in real life entails many problems:
- a handsome young man or a beautiful girl cannot find a couple for a long time;
- friction constantly arises in the work collective at the workplace;
- Procrastination gradually develops, putting off until tomorrow all important matters.
The tragedy lies in the fact that small mistakes in the activity of oneself and those around him cause moral torment in the perfectionist that is not understood by anyone. Others do not even suspect what such a person is experiencing, noting the flaws and imperfection of the surrounding reality.
Perfectionists in society
When communicating, perfectionists tend to project their own subconscious attitudes onto other people. That is, it seems to them that everyone is "looking sideways" at them, demanding that they do better everyday work or behave in society. Imagination forms a false image of the overestimated claims of the surrounding world, which actually does not exist. This is the source of sociophobia, the reluctance to communicate because of fear of not justifying the level of expectations.
By understanding how impressionable people who do not know how to track their projections become perfectionists, one can solve the problem of communication. If an individual understands that all claims against him and high expectations exist only in his head, he can relax and let go of the situation. An unbearable burden of overstated claims will fall from him, relations with friends and relatives will improve.
An interesting aspect of the relationship between the perfectionist and the world is the observance of moral standards, one of which is responsibility for other people and their obligations. When the load becomes unbearable, a protective mechanism is triggered in a person, and he disables critical attitude to his actions so as not to “burn out”. This temporary relief leads to disastrous consequences - loss of reputation, spoiled relationships, family conflicts.
How to curb the problem
What to do to make life easier, this question worries many people with exaggerated requirements, but getting rid of perfectionism is not easy. To begin with, you should realize the problem, admit to yourself in its existence. This is difficult to do, because the installation is deep in the subconscious, and it is not immediately possible to detect it. It can be difficult for a person to admit to himself the wrong perception of the world.
The second step to release is the understanding that a good result cannot be achieved the first time. The ideal, which is in the subconscious, should become a distant final goal. You can get close to it only through numerous intermediate stages. The steps themselves do not have to be perfect, they are just designed to achieve the ultimate goal.
You can try to do such a task - to fulfill the desired with the worst result. The essence of the process is that the individual is asked to achieve a result opposite to the one he wanted to get. So, responsibility for the final result is automatically eliminated, and for the perfectionist - for the need for excellence. The paradox is that a person does a better job with such an installation.
Perfectionists often do not want to start a business, assuming that they will not be able to achieve the desired result. But skills can only be improved in action. Lack of practical experience prevents a person from realizing his plan. It turns out a vicious circle, on which a person walks, and is not able to break out of it. Perfectionists need to learn how to do work at the ordinary, intermediate level, and only after finishing work, try to bring it to perfection.
So, the meaning of the word “perfectionism” is understandable, and the problem of people with such a character trait is complex and multifaceted. But experience shows that after some effort is applied, it is successfully resolved.Having coped with difficulties, one can unleash the full potential inherent in nature. Perfectionists have big inclinations, among them there are a lot of really talented people. In the pursuit of the ideal, there is nothing wrong, you just need to make sure that this contributes to the achievement of goals.
