Divorce is always stress. The habitual way of life is changing, hopes are crumbling. Some women are immersed in their experiences for many years. And even they can’t forgive the insult to the end of their days. How to survive a divorce from her husband - the advice of a psychologist in this section.

Stages of divorce

Divorce is, in fact, the death of a relationship. To stop suffering, the situation needs to be completely "lived through". In this case, you have to go through certain stages. This will make it easier to survive a divorce from her husband.

Negation

At this stage, you may not believe that your other half is serious about divorce. But time is not in your favor. Every day you are becoming more and more convinced that it will not be possible to reconcile. You have to admit that it will not work to keep a person, and he has the right to such a choice.

Anger and resentment

These are natural feelings in this situation. But it’s better to be angry. Perhaps, being alone, you even let him splash out. And broken dishes are far from the worst option. The offense is much harder to bear. You can survive it all your life, which means that you can’t “let go” of your ex-spouse to the end.

Negotiation stage

In rare cases, you can break the relationship instantly. Usually, in preparation for a divorce, the couple negotiate. And the interested party in this case can begin blackmail. The phrases are used: “I will condemn all property”, “I will not let children see”, “I am pregnant”, “I’ll be lost without you”. All this means that in your soul you cannot reconcile with divorce and want to avoid it.

Another option - in this situation, the couple can resort to love spells, turn to clairvoyants. More often women do it. Usually such actions do not give results, you can only undermine your psyche, but not to avoid a divorce.

Stage of depression

Divorce at this stage is perceived as a fait accompli. At the same time, the woman’s self-esteem falls. At heart, she believes that no one will need anyone else, and nothing good is expected in life. But in reality - this is a very productive stage. Right now, the pain begins to slowly recede. To get out of depression after a divorce is to take the first step to recovery.

Adaptation stage

It occurs in about 8-12 months. Interest in life reappears, a craving for persons of the opposite sex arises. A “recovering” woman can be considered when, remembering her former spouse, she does not feel the desire to return him, does not suffer from resentment. On the contrary, in her soul she is calm.

Psychologists advice on how to survive a divorce from your husband

The reasons for divorce are different. This may be a betrayal of a husband who has replaced his wife with a lover, a difficult period for the family associated with the birth of a child. Finally, sometimes spouses simply come to the conclusion that they are “different people”.

How to divorce painlessly? We'll figure out.

If the husband went to another

This misfortune can happen to any woman: one who has been intensively engaged in her own career or has completely disappeared into her beloved wife. Or if she gave all her strength to a sick child.

In any case, after the betrayal, “the earth goes under the feet”, and self-esteem drops to zero. A woman thinks: "So I'm worse." A rival, on the contrary, may seem to be a male ideal - young, beautiful, rich, without children.

Or, conversely, a woman may be perplexed - why did they prefer another, although she seems to be unremarkable?

What to do in this situation:

  1. First of all, you need to maintain a sense of dignity. You should not arrange a scene - neither to the one who was your husband, nor to his chosen one. Believe me, if you decide on a scandal, you will later remember this with shame.
  2. Do not look for the guilty. Take the situation for granted. The husband went to another, it happened, otherwise it can not be. You need to take care of yourself, and children, if you have them.
  3. In this situation, many will be ready to support you - friends, relatives. Avoid the company of those friends who consider you an innocent victim, and suggest ways - how best to take revenge on your ex. Connect with people who will help you regain interest in life.
  4. At first, it is better not to see the former spouse. If you need to resolve issues related to father’s communication with children, alimony, sharing of property, do it some time later, when you can talk without undue emotions.

Breaking a relationship with a beloved man

Breaking relationships with a loved one leads to depression. How to behave further depends on the degree of experience. If it’s very difficult, you don’t feel like living - you need to turn to a professional for help. Psychologist, psychotherapist.

In another case, you can try to cope on your own or with the help of your immediate environment:

  1. First of all, you need to throw out feelings. Resentment, bitterness, and even rage lead to self-destruction. You can cry to a girlfriend or relative, write a letter to a former missus, pour your feelings into it. But do not send it.
  2. It is worth remembering self-esteem. If you humiliate yourself in front of your spouse, praying that he will return, go to deal with your rival - you will feel humiliated. And recovering from it is much more difficult. On the contrary, a sense of self-esteem can support you in the most difficult moments.
  3. Tips to go shopping for new clothes, a hairdresser and a cosmetologist for a new image, are not suitable for everyone. First of all, you need to make sure that these actions do not have a goal - to return the husband: "Here he will see how beautiful I am - and come running ..."
  4. The most important thing in this situation is to calm down internally.You can go somewhere out of town. Nature is a great comforter. Believers can go to the temple and entrust their further destiny to God. This is a surprisingly pacifying feeling when you take off your responsibility and transfer it to the Higher powers.
  5. Remember what attracted you before marriage? Was there any hobby? Are the dreams left unfulfilled? Well, it's time to gradually begin to implement them. This will allow you to recover as individuals.

Features of divorce during pregnancy

In this difficult situation, you must first understand what caused it. Some women are ready at this time to part with their husband, as he uses alcohol, drugs or terrorizes his spouse.

For others, the reasons are more commonplace - the husband earns little or the relationship is aggravated by a quarrel with one of the relatives (mother-in-law, mother-in-law), there are problems with sex, the spouses only now found out that they "did not agree with the characters."

How to proceed:

  1. Estimate all the pros and cons. In any case, you are unlikely to be able to remain completely calm. And the experiences of the expectant mother have a very negative effect on the child. Complicated pregnancy can result in miscarriage or premature birth.
  2. In some cases, it makes sense to wait until the baby is born. It is possible that a spouse who earns little will turn out to be a gentle father and an indispensable support for you in difficult times.
  3. If, together with your husband, you feel worse than apart, it is better to leave. Maybe one of you will go to relatives or rent an apartment.
  4. But if for some reason you are forced to live together, provide yourself the opportunity to call for help from loved ones. It is advisable that the phone is at hand. It is better to have keys, for example, from the parent's apartment. To have where to go if the situation becomes unbearable.
  5. Remember that a child is better to grow only with you than to witness the constant difficult situation in the house. Talk to single friends who raise children, read articles about such women, and you will see that everything is not so scary.

Subsequently, you will undoubtedly have a chance to meet another person and create a happy family.

The experience of separation after 30, 40, 50 years

A divorce, which occurred before the couple turned 30 years old, is sometimes experienced by them very dramatically, with explosions of emotions. But still those who are already 30 and 40 years old, get divorced even harder. At this age, it is more difficult to change the usual way of life, to make friends.

Children of such people, as a rule, are already quite large to understand what is happening in the family. Often they perceive one of the parents as a “traitor”.

On the other hand, men by the age of 40 begin to experience a crisis that accompanies middle age. It seems to them that something has been missed in life, they can make a lover, marry a younger partner.

How to survive the separation at this age is painless:

  1. Do not deny the feeling of anger. If you throw out your emotions, you will feel better. You can tear letters and photographs, sob, beat dishes - in a word, give free rein to what is bubbling inside you.
  2. Remember that you should not blame yourself. Yes, your self-esteem has now fallen, but do not get hung up on guilty feelings. You need to know that the spouse, who started a divorce, also feels guilty, although it can hide it behind rudeness and reproaches to you.
  3. Try to perceive this period of your life as a “piece of freedom”. Devote time to yourself. Maybe you should go on vacation, change the scenery? Or find your favorite pastime? Someone used to draw well, was fond of playing the guitar, dreamed of raising pedigree cats or sought to make a paradise from the cottage. The time has come to embark on your hobby.
  4. Do not wait for the return of the spouse confessed. Even if this happens, remember that the person who betrayed you once is likely to betray more and more. You need it?
  5. Divorce after 50 is a separate issue.Children are already adults, can support one of the parents who need it. Yes, you lose the prospect of living with your spouse until the end of your life, but wisdom and life experience are on your side. At this time, women clearly understand that happiness does not lie in just one person.

No wonder they say that in their youth women want to get married, and men are not in a hurry to get married. After 50, everything happens the other way around. Strength is still with you, a lot of ideas. And the more optimism you radiate - the higher the chances of meeting a new chosen one.

Divorce from an alcoholic husband

Alcoholism is the cause of many divorces. The husband drinks more often, but cases are not excluded when the wife cannot do without alcohol.

What to do if the drunkard of the faithful no longer has the strength to endure:

  1. To begin with - consult a narcologist. Today, medicine has great potential for helping such families: the alcoholic himself and co-dependent relatives. You should not keep alcohol at home, take friends, a meeting with which turns into a drink. You will have to talk with your spouse more than once or twice so that he understands that the fate of the family is at stake.
  2. If all else fails, there remains a divorce. As a rule, an alcoholic does not leave the former family alone for a long time. He comes to ask for forgiveness, to promise that he will quit addiction. Sometimes he needs money, he is ready to “beat” to pity. “I’ll be lost without you,” the ex-wife of an alcoholic often hears this phrase.
  3. Remember that only a person can make a decision and stop drinking. The wife and children are not able to do this for him. Advise the ex-spouse to live a few years in sobriety, to stand up, confirm your words with concrete deeds.
  4. To get rid of difficult situations - try to disperse as far as possible. Are you exchanging an apartment? Let the new housing be in another area or even in another city.
  5. Start building your life. The years spent next to the alcoholic must have weakened your psyche. Deliver yourself joyful minutes. Start meeting friends again, take care of yourself, engage in a hobby. And remember: the best part of life is ahead.

What to do if there are common children

Usually children are very worried about the divorce of their parents. For their part, they can also delay the dissolution of the marriage, believing that in a single-parent family the child will grow up defective.

Of course, it would be best for a son or daughter to grow up in an atmosphere of a loving family, when the father and mother respect and warmly respect each other. If the child becomes a witness to constant quarrels, this will not do him any good.

What to do:

  1. The best option is when parents manage to part peacefully. Children continue to maintain good relations with their father, although they see him less often than before.
  2. If the child can already understand the situation, it is necessary to talk with him. Explain that dad continues to love him, will take care of him, only they will live apart.
  3. If the former spouse leaves for another woman, the child often begins to perceive him as a traitor. If possible, efforts should be made to normalize relations. Remember the movie "Stepmother." The woman did her best to set up children against her father’s new passion. And then it turned out that the mother was terminally ill, and the stepmother had to raise children and take care of them.
  4. In exceptional cases, when communication with the father can harm the child, it is worth breaking all ties. Then the best way out is moving.

And remember that the divorce of spouses is not the end, but only a certain stage of life, a segment that must be passed with dignity.

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