There is no magic formula for surviving a breakup with a loved one. And scientists did not come up with a fabulous pill that will relieve worries. But if you adhere to simple tips, you can ease the mental pain after parting and return to normal life faster.

Five psychological stages after parting

In the process of rupture, a person lives in five stages:

  1. Denial of an event. The first reaction to the breaking up news is shock. I still can’t believe that everything really happened. Appetite may disappear, a breakdown, inhibition is observed. The impression of unreality is happening. Information has entered the brain, but has not yet touched the soul.
  2. Emotional surge. Anger, a sense of ownership, or aggression suddenly appears. Emotions that are difficult to control begin to wake up. Resentment or guilt overwhelms. Negativity can be directed at another person or at oneself. You can’t keep everything in the shower. Let the feelings come out, it’s easier to heal heart wounds.
  3. Hope for a favorable outcome. The brain begins to frantically search for ways to regain the lost relationship. Man comforts himself with illusions. Trying to come up with ways to avoid a break. Recognizes that living in the old way will not work. But he cannot look into the future without fear.
  4. The realization that the relationship is over. A person understands that there is no turning back; he suffers. He becomes depressed and misses the past, goes into himself.He recalls the important points of the former relationship and reinterprets them. But I’m not ready to think about the future.
  5. Acceptance of the situation. Pain and sadness slowly release. A person begins to build his life from scratch. Memories come from time to time. In the present there are new events, people and reasons for joy. It is getting easier.

Tips for surviving a break with your loved one

The most difficult period after the break is the first month. At this time, emotions overwhelm, and an open mental wound hurts unbearably.

It is not worth drowning out experiences, it is quite normal to show feelings, for example:

  • cry
  • get angry at or hate a former partner;
  • suffer, feel sorry for yourself;
  • think about revenge and abandon such plans;
  • laugh at your stupidity;
  • plunge into memories.

Scientists say that tears help overcome stress. Emotionality eases suffering. You do not have to worry about everything all by yourself; you can discuss the break with a close friend. And if necessary, with a psychologist or psychotherapist. For communication, it is better to choose a person who will react to a situation with a slight share of indifference. It’s definitely not worth it to escalate the situation. It is advisable that each of the emotions does not "gnaw at the soul" for more than a week.

Psychologists advise getting rid of the symbols of life together: a trinket presented on Valentine's Day, a general portrait, and even a wedding dress. The main thing is not to throw away your favorite thing during an attack of obsession and not to spoil the necessary property. It's time to buy new bedding or shoot a portrait of a former partner in a shooting gallery. If negative feelings do not let go, you can buy a punching bag. Such a target is perfect to throw out negative emotions.

It is appropriate to add a man from the past to the “black list”. Do not write to him on social networks and do not call on a mobile phone. You can make him a friend, but do it later. When the wave of unsolicited feelings does not rise from the memories of the past break.

How to relieve pain after a long relationship

Getting rid of love after a long relationship is especially difficult.

What absolutely can not be done during this period:

  • to consider that it was “the love of all life”;
  • to admit that the ideal partner is lost;
  • to argue that you will no longer be able to fall in love with anyone.

For such thoughts, it is useful to find logical counterarguments. After all, ideal people do not inflict cruel blows. And many men and women form new couples, and become quite happy. So, life after the break exists. Theoretically, there is always a chance to restore relations. But at this stage of life, you should not cling to your former partner, it's time to forget your loved one.

Only in tearful melodramas and fairy tales does eternal love exist. In real life, people rarely stay together until old age. They transform themselves and change partners. They converge and then get carried away by others. They can change, deceive, hurt. Of course, you need to experience love, dissolve in feelings. But it is impossible to idealize and put it above all.

After a long relationship, it is important to live in reality, not in the past:

  • to love yourself;
  • to find fresh sources for joy;
  • engage in self-improvement;
  • get your hobbies;
  • come up with new goals.

A love affair should not be the meaning of life, its main mission. Then it’s easier to survive the pain of separation.

How long does it take to recover

There is no clear timeline for how long each stage will last after parting. It depends on the nature of the person, the level of affection of partners, the reasons for separation and many other factors. Some manage to "recover" from love in a few days. And someone again and again returns to a certain stage or is kept on it for years.

The acute period of "illness" usually lasts about a month. And a year after the breakup, it's time to completely let go of the past.During this time, all important personal events will occur without an old partner: birthdays, New Year's holidays and other significant moments. And a fresh life cycle will begin, the countdown of a new reality.

Rules of life after breaking up

What will help to establish life after a breakup:

  • A change of scenery. Vacation in an exotic country, a new job, a trip to a girlfriend in a neighboring city - the choice will depend on the desires and opportunities. Big and small trips, meeting new people distract from sad thoughts and bring them back to life.
  • Volunteering Doesn't it seem worse? There will always be those who live much harder. It's time to visit an orphanage or animal shelter. To provide all possible assistance and give warmth to others. Realize that everything is not so bad. And love is not only romantic, but also compassionate.
  • A new hobby is a great cure in this case. Maybe it's time to do oriental dancing, go to English courses or learn how to knit. Interesting activities will fill life with new meaning.

It’s good to do something for yourself.

Visit a massage room, buy a new dress, relax in a bowling alley. You can experiment with your appearance, because now no one will forbid you to do this. Repaint or change the hairstyle, change the style of clothes, buy a new bright lipstick. Let external transformations help internal restructuring.

Common mistakes

Actions that absolutely can not be performed after parting:

  • Keep emotions in yourself. It is useful to give free rein to feelings. It is easier to survive resentment and betrayal, to restore peace of mind. But constantly talking about the former partner with unpleasant things should not be done to everyone.
  • Constantly strive for loneliness. Staying alone with your problems is harmful. After all, close people, neighbors, friends, children, animals give warmth, distract from unnecessary thoughts.
  • Blame yourself for everything that happened. This is not worth doing, even if you had to become the initiator of the gap.
  • To think about the past. To nourish anger, resentment, hatred and other negative feelings is the road to an emotional “pit”. Visit the page of the former with social networks, constantly revise common photos and videos - the path to self-destruction.
  • Ignore poor health. Ending a love relationship is a serious stress. In this difficult period, chronic diseases can worsen, problems in the work of the heart, blood vessels and gastrointestinal tract begin. Insomnia is often observed, appetite decreases, and the nervous system suffers. The appearance of the disease is a serious reason to consult a specialist.
  • Immediately after the break, start a new serious relationship. But light flirting and a small affair is not prohibited to organize.
  • Try to return everything. The most disappointing forecast for a joint future is for couples in which the departure of one of the partners is deliberate. He knows exactly the reason for his “escape” and plans future life in advance. In this case, one should not try to return the past in every possible way, it is time to let go of a loved one. Threats, promises or persuasion will not give the desired effect if the partner has carefully decided to leave.

No wonder they say that time heals. Losses temper and fill life with new events. It is important to realize that a break is not the end of the world and not a deep misfortune. This is a temporary test that must be passed in order to become wiser and stronger. After all, the nervous system is so fragile, and life is too short.

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